Tuesday night was rough. A challenge in itself. The El Salvador missions trip we planned for our honeymoon won’t be happening. There were issues with the passport and to get in time is not an option. Trust me, I called every phone number, talked to every supervisor, I was on the phone from the time I got off work to the time we pulled into the little man’s ball game. I was crying, distraught, worried, angry. Every emotion you could feel, I felt. Thoughts running threw my head. What will people think? We have told sooo many people about this trip! We have already invested so much financially that we won’t get back. We will have to return people’s donations. Not only will we not get to go on the trip but we will be out that money. Why is this happening!?
We contacted our pastor, we talked with our mentor. After about a 30 minute talk, I realized something. All this noise in my head was just like the story of Jesus calming the storm. Myself, similar to the disciples, worried and fearful, saying, “Lord save us!” And I felt I truly heard the same voice that they heard, say to me, “You of little faith! Why are you so afraid?” I stopped. I listened. God was saying, “Quiet! This is not about YOU. Have you no faith in what I am doing, child? Why must you worry and fret and be so emotional? I didn’t create you to stress and be fearful. If you truly believed that I was in control, then you would have a peace knowing that.” I thought, ‘But God, this was our honeymoon, this was what I thought we were supposed to do, this was what we have told everyone about. To not go wasn’t in our plans!’ Which was met with, “No this wasn’t in your plans, but its not about YOUR plans. Trust in me child, like its been said, ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”
Wow. It was a strong God, but a loving one. A mighty one, but a gentle one. I am almost in tears as I write this because in that moment it felt so clear to me. Did I think, ‘Oh yep that’s right, we aren’t supposed to go, definitely I know that. Cool, no big deal.’ No I didn’t know that and I still don’t fully. And I don’t understand, I don’t get it. But I am not supposed to lean on my own understanding. What I do know is that I am going to trust in Him. He knows what he is doing and He is in control. I don’t believe every little thing happens for a reason but I definitely think at times a lot of things do. Maybe God needs us here for something, maybe God has something so big stored up for us that he didn’t want us gone. Or maybe this was just an attack from the enemy on our marriage, on our life, on our spiritual walk.
You can’t control circumstances, but you can control how you react. Instead of continuing to cry like a baby and be so worried of what others may think, and having a pity party for ourselves, we are choosing to have faith in our God and fight the enemy. Its time to give it over to Him. To trust in Him. Its time I put on my big girl panties and know that if I have a Savior who overcame death, than this is nothing!
With Him we can overcome anything. The faith of a mustard seed can move a mountain. I was so worked up, hurting so bad, having so much anxiety but once I truly trusted in Him and let go, the pressure was off, a weight was lifted. My cares were casted. Satan was defeated. God was in control. Since Tuesday, I have done a 180. I am not happy about what happened but I realize that I have no control over it and so I may as well make the best of it. There are people that have way more serious things going on then losing money and not getting to go on a missions trip.
I challenge you this next week in your walk with God and your trust in Him. Can you let him take the wheel of your life? Will you be a backseat driver, questioning his every turn, his every brake. Or will you quietly rest, allowing him to do his job, peaceful and content, knowing that He is guiding you.
Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”