Wednesday I got out of work later than I had planned and had to postpone Aerial Yoga to tonight. I arrived at Wilson’s at 6pm, checked in and waited outside the yoga room door. I met a really nice girl; Nicole, who was also new to this, but a dancer. So I kind of knew that even though we agreed to stick together, she was going to completely “out aerial yoga” me.
I entered the room and was pleasantly surprised to see the instructor was the same one I had at belly dancing a few weeks ago. The room had hardwood floors, a large mirror across one wall and a bunch of hanging “hammocks.” Pretty much thick, orange sheets. I found the one that hit me at my waist like I was instructed to and class began. Lights down low, soft music. We did a few breathing exercises on the floor and then stood up and arranged the hammock at our waists and leaned forward, using it as balance.
Poses continued. Putting one leg in the hammock and balancing on the other. Having both feet in the hammock, hands on the floor, doing a plank. Then we were to “sit” on the hammock and lean back, wrapping our legs around and letting our head and arms hang towards the ground. I tried. Nope, not happening. I looked around. Everyone else was doing it. I tried again. Still no. Besides Nicole, I was the youngest in the class and couldn’t even just hang upside down. The instructor came over to help me. I was shaking, mostly from having to balance but a little from fear. She spotted me into the position and I hated every second of it. I never completely let my top half hang down. We did several different poses upside down. I struggled through them all, at times getting down and just waiting quietly for something I ‘could do.’
I couldn’t do these poses, not because I wasn’t capable. Not because I was too clumsy, or too uncoordinated. It was because I was too scared. I let fear get the best of me. I didn’t trust myself. I was scared of falling, flipping out of the thing, passing out, getting dizzy. I watched the 6 or so other girls in the class do it with ease and yet I couldn’t bring myself to do it because I was too afraid. No one laughed or gawked at me. The instructor said it was completely fine if I wasn’t comfortable yet. No big deal. I attempted a second time and did a little better but still could not bring myself to do the full poses like everyone else.
Eventually everyone got down from the upside down stuff and I was back to participating. After class, we mingled for a minute and the instructor told me that she to, use to be pretty freaked out by hanging upside down and that eventually she got over her fear after trying it several times. That she had to learn to trust herself. This was such a good lesson for me.
I like to be in control. To know what is going to happen. To be certain before I do something, that I can in fact, do it. Trust is something I struggle with. I didn’t even just trust myself and my strength enough to know that I was going to be okay in this fabric hammock. This whole past week I was sort of dreading going to aerial yoga to be honest. I missed Wednesday and said I will go Saturday and then put it off another day, til tonight. And I still didn’t want to go. At times I was even just thinking maybe I could skip this whole challenge altogether though in the back of my mind I knew that wasn’t the right thing to do. Sometimes the enemy gets in our heads, tells us lies and tries to put fear around us.
In life, we will be let down by someone at some point in time. We are all human and far from perfect. The only one that you can ALWAYS count on and that will never fail you is God. Yet, I struggle everyday to put my trust into Him. To let go of things, of worries, fears, and just trust that He will take care of it. We have to been on guard for the things the enemy tries to put into our lives. Doubt. Fear. Mistrust in ourselves and others. We have to be willing to let go of the reins and let God lead. I know I would’ve been okay tonight, letting go of my grip on the fabric and falling back into the pose like I was supposed to do. But I let my fears hold me back.
I want to live a fearless life. To not let anything hold me back from my full potential. To not let Satan get in the way of what God has called me to be. A favorite quote of mine is “A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” We can walk through life on the “safe side,” doubtful, fearful in the harbor, not moving or going anywhere. Or we can take a risk out at sea and rise above the lies the enemy tries to tell us and overcome those fears. The pretty amazing thing about God is that he has a plan for us. He gives us choices. To trust in His plan or go our own path. What he has in store for us is far greater than anything we can control or plan ourselves. We just have to be willing to trust in Him.